Meditation for self-criticism: 10-minute softening session, at your desk

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 10 minutes of softening for self-criticism, at your desk. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

• A running commentary on your mistakes
• Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
• Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this at your desk

• Feet flat, back supported, screen away from your eyeline
• You can do this with your eyes open if the office makes closing them awkward
• Unclench the jaw and drop the shoulders first, before anything else

Nobody needs to know you are doing it. Keep it invisible if that makes it possible.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Unclench your jaw. You were probably holding it without noticing.
2. 0:12We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
3. 0:26Settle into the fact that for the next few minutes, nothing is required of you.
4. 0:40Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
5. 0:53Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
6. 1:09Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
7. 1:22Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
8. 1:35Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
9. 1:48Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
10. 2:00Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
11. 2:12Notice how the harsh voice inside changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
12. 2:28Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the criticism you would never aim at a friend is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
13. 2:49If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
14. 3:02Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
15. 3:16Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
16. 3:28Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
17. 3:39Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
18. 3:53Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
19. 4:05Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
20. 4:17With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
21. 4:32I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
22. 4:44Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
23. 4:58No need to open your eyes yet.
24. 5:08Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
25. 5:20Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
26. 5:32Stay with it.
27. 5:40Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
28. 5:53Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
29. 6:05A few seconds more.
30. 6:14Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
31. 6:28Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
32. 6:42Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
33. 6:53the record of your mistakes may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
34. 7:11If the harsh voice inside shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
35. 7:31Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
36. 7:44Each time your mind hands you the criticism you would never aim at a friend, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
37. 8:05If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
38. 8:19Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
39. 8:32Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
40. 8:42Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
41. 8:55Nothing changes for a moment.
42. 9:04If you're going straight back to work, take ten seconds at the doorway first.
43. 9:18Let your jaw, shoulders and hands be loose as you finish.
44. 9:30Keep following the air.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.