Meditation for loneliness: 10-minute self-compassion session, during a break

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 10 minutes of self-compassion for loneliness, during a break. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: loneliness

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection.

It tends to show up as:

• The quiet of the house feeling loud
• Feeling unseen even in company
• Assuming you are an inconvenience

A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Doing this on a break

• Leave the room if you can
• Do not start anything else in the same gap
• Set a timer so the break has an end

A break spent half-engaged with a screen is not much of a break. Guard the whole five minutes.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Start by hearing the furthest sound you can find.
2. 0:11Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
3. 0:27Notice the pause at the end of each breath. It's short, but it's there.
4. 0:41Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
5. 0:54Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
6. 1:08Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
7. 1:20Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
8. 1:30Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
9. 1:42Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
10. 1:54Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
11. 2:06Feel the weight of the ache of isolation somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
12. 2:22There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
13. 2:40If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
14. 2:53Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
15. 3:07A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
16. 3:18Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
17. 3:32The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
18. 3:47I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
19. 3:59Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
20. 4:11You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
21. 4:24Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
22. 4:35Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
23. 4:49Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
24. 4:59Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
25. 5:11Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
26. 5:27Stay here a little longer.
27. 5:36Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
28. 5:50Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
29. 6:04Keep following the air.
30. 6:13Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
31. 6:26Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
32. 6:40Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
33. 6:52When the sense of being unseen arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
34. 7:11the ache of isolation may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
35. 7:28Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
36. 7:41Whatever the hollow feeling when the house is quiet is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
37. 7:58If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
38. 8:13Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
39. 8:26I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
40. 8:38Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
41. 8:53No need to open your eyes yet.
42. 9:03Let the quiet end on its own rather than cutting it off.
43. 9:16Notice your feet on the floor. That's where you start from.
44. 9:28Stay with it.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.