Meditation for anticipatory anxiety: 20-minute softening session, in the queue

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for anticipatory anxiety. A softening session you can do in the queue. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anticipatory anxiety

Dread of an upcoming event is often heavier than the event itself. The waiting period keeps the body in low-level alert for days.

It tends to show up as:

Stomach dropping when you remember what is coming
Sleep getting worse as the date approaches
Wanting to cancel to get relief

The anticipation is a state, not a warning. Practising being in the present while the dread is present teaches the body it can wait without bracing.

Doing this in a waiting room

You can do this with your eyes open and your hands where they are
Nothing here needs to look like a meditation
Aim for steadiness rather than calm

Waiting feeds the dread it is meant to relieve. Having something specific to do with the time is the useful part.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

0:00Keep your eyes open if you like, resting on one point of the floor a metre or two ahead.
0:16If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
0:31There's a difference between relaxing and stopping. We're aiming for the second one, gently.
0:45If your mind is loud, that's information, not failure.
0:56Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
1:09Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
1:22Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
1:35Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
1:47Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
1:59Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
2:13Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
2:26If the waiting that feels heavier than the thing starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
2:44Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
3:01Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
3:13Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the dread of an event that has not happened is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
3:34Notice the space around the waiting that feels heavier than the thing. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
3:53Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
4:06If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
4:19Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
4:33I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
4:45Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
4:56Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
5:09No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
5:20Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
5:34We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
5:48A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
5:59If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
6:13Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
6:27Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
6:39Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
6:52Just the breath, still.
7:01Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
7:16Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
7:28Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
7:39If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
7:54No rush to move on.
8:03Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
8:16Notice your breathing, without changing it.
8:26Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
8:37Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
8:49Keep following the air.
8:58Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
9:12Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
9:24I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
9:36Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
9:47Let your body keep settling.
9:56If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
10:09Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
10:19Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
10:31Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
10:43Nothing changes for a moment.
10:52Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
11:04I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
11:17Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
11:28Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
11:42Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
11:52You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
12:04A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
12:15Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
12:29Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
12:41Take the next breath slowly.
12:50Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
13:00Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
13:14Let the pause stretch out.
13:23Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
13:36Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
13:48No need to open your eyes yet.
13:58Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
14:12Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
14:25Stay here a little longer.
14:34Feel your calves, front and back.
14:44You do not have to win against the nervous hours before. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
15:01Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
15:12You are allowed to be unimpressed by the dread of an event that has not happened. Indifference is a legitimate response.
15:29If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
15:43There is no correct amount of the waiting that feels heavier than the thing to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
16:02Let the exhale carry a little of the nervous hours before with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
16:21Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
16:34You do not have to like the dread of an event that has not happened to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
16:53Think of the waiting that feels heavier than the thing as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
17:12Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
17:26Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
17:39Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
17:50If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
18:03A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
18:14With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
18:29Let this one be unhurried.
18:38Roll your neck once, slowly, in whichever direction feels good.
18:50Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.
19:05Stay with it.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Dread of an upcoming event is often heavier than the event itself. The waiting period keeps the body in low-level alert for days. The anticipation is a state, not a warning. Practising being in the present while the dread is present teaches the body it can wait without bracing.

Where and when should I do this one?

You can do this with your eyes open and your hands where they are. Waiting feeds the dread it is meant to relieve. Having something specific to do with the time is the useful part.

What actually happens during the 20 minutes?

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.