15-minute guided self-compassion practice for anticipatory anxiety — in the hour before sleep

About this practice

For the times in the hour before sleep when anticipatory anxiety takes up more room than you would like — 15 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anticipatory anxiety

Dread of an upcoming event is often heavier than the event itself. The waiting period keeps the body in low-level alert for days.

It tends to show up as:

• Stomach dropping when you remember what is coming
• Sleep getting worse as the date approaches
• Wanting to cancel to get relief

The anticipation is a state, not a warning. Practising being in the present while the dread is present teaches the body it can wait without bracing.

Doing this before bed

• Do it in bed or somewhere you can move straight to bed after
• Lower the light, and do not check anything afterwards
• If you fall asleep before the end, it worked

Falling asleep mid-session is a success, not a failure to complete it.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your forehead smooth out. Most of us hold a small frown there all day.
2. 0:14We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
3. 0:28Let your attention settle on the space between your nose and your upper lip, where the air passes.
4. 0:44Let the last hour go on its own. You can pick it up again afterwards.
5. 0:58Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
6. 1:12Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
7. 1:25Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
8. 1:37Notice your breathing, without changing it.
9. 1:47Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
10. 1:59Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
11. 2:13Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
12. 2:23Notice how the dread of an event that has not happened changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
13. 2:42Imagine the waiting that feels heavier than the thing as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
14. 3:01Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
15. 3:12You do not have to solve the nervous hours before in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
16. 3:31Notice the space around the dread of an event that has not happened. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
17. 3:51Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
18. 4:03Take the next breath slowly.
19. 4:12Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
20. 4:28Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
21. 4:40Let the pause stretch out.
22. 4:49If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
23. 5:03Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
24. 5:14Just the breath, still.
25. 5:23Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
26. 5:36Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
27. 5:49Keep following the air.
28. 5:58Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
29. 6:10Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
30. 6:21Let it be this simple.
31. 6:30Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
32. 6:43Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
33. 6:55No need to open your eyes yet.
34. 7:05Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
35. 7:17If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
36. 7:30If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
37. 7:43I'll step back. You stay here.
38. 7:53Let this be easy, if easy is available.
39. 8:04If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
40. 8:17Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
41. 8:28You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
42. 8:41Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
43. 8:55Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
44. 9:05There's no need to try harder than this.
45. 9:16Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
46. 9:29Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
47. 9:41Nothing here needs to be efficient.
48. 9:51Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
49. 10:05I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
50. 10:17We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
51. 10:27Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
52. 10:39Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
53. 10:53A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
54. 11:04Let the waiting that feels heavier than the thing be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
55. 11:25This is not the last time the nervous hours before will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
56. 11:44Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
57. 11:57Give the dread of an event that has not happened a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
58. 12:16When the waiting that feels heavier than the thing presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
59. 12:37Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
60. 12:51Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
61. 13:04Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
62. 13:16Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
63. 13:28Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
64. 13:40Small efforts are the whole method.
65. 13:50Let this one be unhurried.
66. 13:59Notice whether you feel any different. If not, that's also normal.
67. 14:11Notice if anything has loosened. Even slightly counts.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.