20-minute guided breathing practice for tension headaches — before a hard conversation

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 20 minutes of breathing for tension headaches, before a hard conversation. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: tension headaches

Tension headaches follow a band of tightness across the forehead and around the skull, usually the product of long staring, jaw clenching and neck position.

It tends to show up as:

• A band of pressure across the forehead
• Pressure behind the eyes
• Ache worsening through the day

Softening the jaw, eyes and neck interrupts the pattern early. Once a tension headache settles in it is harder to shift.

Doing this before a hard conversation

• Do it before, not during, and again after if it went badly
• Decide your one non-negotiable sentence beforehand
• Plan to let the other person speak first

Being settled makes it easier to listen rather than to defend. That is usually what the conversation needs.

How breathing works

A breathing practice uses the breath as the object of attention and as the control lever. Because exhaling slows the heart through the vagus nerve, it acts on the nervous system directly rather than through thinking.

• Keep the exhale longer than the inhale — that is the active ingredient
• Count the exhales and start again whenever you lose count
• Do not force depth; let the breath find its own level

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're lying down, let the mattress hold all of you. You can stop holding yourself up.
2. 0:15Follow the air from the nostrils down to the belly, then back out. One full trip at a time.
3. 0:31There's a difference between relaxing and stopping. We're aiming for the second one, gently.
4. 0:45Notice the pause at the end of each breath. It's short, but it's there.
5. 0:59Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
6. 1:14Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
7. 1:25Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
8. 1:37Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
9. 1:49Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
10. 2:01Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
11. 2:11Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
12. 2:23If the band around the forehead shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
13. 2:43Let the exhale carry a little of the pressure building behind the eyes with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
14. 3:03Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
15. 3:14When the ache from a long staring day arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
16. 3:34Think of the band around the forehead as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
17. 3:52If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
18. 4:06If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
19. 4:20There is no target number here. Only the next breath, and then the one after it.
20. 4:35Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
21. 4:47If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
22. 5:01Let the counting do the work. When you lose the count, start again from one — no penalty.
23. 5:17Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
24. 5:29If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
25. 5:43Keep the exhale a little longer than the inhale. That is the entire technique.
26. 5:57Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
27. 6:09If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
28. 6:23Your anchor for the next few minutes is the breath itself. Nothing else needs following.
29. 6:37No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
30. 6:48If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
31. 7:01Let the quiet do its work.
32. 7:11Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
33. 7:23Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
34. 7:34A short silence. Let it be empty.
35. 7:44If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
36. 7:57Stay with it.
37. 8:05Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
38. 8:19Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
39. 8:30I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
40. 8:42Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
41. 8:55Nothing changes for a moment.
42. 9:04Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
43. 9:17Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
44. 9:28Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
45. 9:39Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
46. 9:55Let this one be unhurried.
47. 10:04If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
48. 10:15A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
49. 10:26Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
50. 10:38Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
51. 10:52Remain here for a few more breaths.
52. 11:02Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
53. 11:14I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
54. 11:26Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
55. 11:39Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
56. 11:53Just the breath, still.
57. 12:02If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
58. 12:15Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
59. 12:25Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
60. 12:37Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
61. 12:51Let it be this simple.
62. 13:00Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
63. 13:12Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
64. 13:26Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
65. 13:36Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
66. 13:48Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
67. 14:02Keep following the air.
68. 14:11Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
69. 14:24Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
70. 14:38A few seconds more.
71. 14:47Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
72. 15:00You do not have to win against the pressure building behind the eyes. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
73. 15:18Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
74. 15:30Nothing about the ache from a long staring day has to be explained or justified in this room.
75. 15:46Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
76. 15:57You do not have to like the band around the forehead to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
77. 16:14There is no correct amount of the pressure building behind the eyes to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
78. 16:33Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
79. 16:45You have been carrying the ache from a long staring day for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
80. 17:06Give the band around the forehead a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
81. 17:24Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
82. 17:35Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
83. 17:46If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
84. 17:59Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
85. 18:11Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
86. 18:22If the breath feels tight, do not deepen it. Just watch it, and let it find its own depth.
87. 18:38No rush to move on.
88. 18:47Notice your feet on the floor. That's where you start from.
89. 18:59Let your eyes open when they're ready, not when the words end.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.