Letting go for grief: 15 minutes, on the morning of an interview

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for grief. A letting go session you can do on the morning of an interview. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: grief

Grief is not a mood that lifts on a schedule. It arrives in waves, often triggered by nothing, and it changes shape over months rather than days.

It tends to show up as:

• Waves arriving without warning
• Exhaustion that rest does not touch
• Difficulty concentrating on ordinary things

This is not a practice for fixing grief. It is a place to sit while it moves through, so you are not alone with it in the middle of the day.

Doing this before an interview

• Do it where you will not be interrupted, even if that is a stairwell
• Have the first sentence of your answer ready afterwards
• Keep it short — there is no time for a long session

Nerves before an interview are normal and not something to eliminate. You need access to what you know, nothing more.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Notice where your body touches the chair. That contact is doing more for you than it looks.
2. 0:15Nothing here needs to be efficient.
3. 0:25Bring your attention to where your body meets the surface underneath you.
4. 0:38Let the last hour go on its own. You can pick it up again afterwards.
5. 0:52Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
6. 1:06Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
7. 1:20Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
8. 1:31Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
9. 1:43Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
10. 1:55Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
11. 2:06Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
12. 2:20Notice where the ache that has no schedule lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
13. 2:39This is not the last time the heaviness where someone used to be will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
14. 2:59Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
15. 3:13Imagine the wave that arrives without warning as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
16. 3:32Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the ache that has no schedule is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
17. 3:51Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
18. 4:03Let the pause stretch out.
19. 4:12Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
20. 4:26Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
21. 4:37Take the next breath slowly.
22. 4:46Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
23. 5:01Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
24. 5:13Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
25. 5:23Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
26. 5:39Notice your breathing, without changing it.
27. 5:49Remain here for a few more breaths.
28. 5:59Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
29. 6:11Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
30. 6:24Stay here a little longer.
31. 6:33Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
32. 6:44Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
33. 6:56Just the breath, still.
34. 7:05A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
35. 7:16We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
36. 7:26If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
37. 7:39Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
38. 7:50Let this be easy, if easy is available.
39. 8:01Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
40. 8:15Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
41. 8:27We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
42. 8:41If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
43. 8:54I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
44. 9:06There's no need to try harder than this.
45. 9:17You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
46. 9:29Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
47. 9:40You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
48. 9:53If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
49. 10:06Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
50. 10:17If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
51. 10:30If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
52. 10:43Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
53. 10:56I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
54. 11:09Notice the space around the heaviness where someone used to be. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
55. 11:28You do not have to solve the wave that arrives without warning in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
56. 11:48Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
57. 12:01Each time your mind hands you the ache that has no schedule, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
58. 12:21Feel the weight of the heaviness where someone used to be somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
59. 12:39Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
60. 12:50If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
61. 13:04Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
62. 13:16Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
63. 13:29A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
64. 13:40Small efforts are the whole method.
65. 13:50A few seconds more.
66. 13:59Let the pace of the last few minutes set the pace of the next few.
67. 14:13Let your jaw, shoulders and hands be loose as you finish.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.