Insomnia: 3-minute self-compassion meditation, before a conversation you are dreading

About this practice

A 3-minute self-compassion session for insomnia, before a conversation you are dreading. No app, no account — press start. A guided session of about 3 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: insomnia

Insomnia is often maintained by the fear of not sleeping. Anticipating a bad night raises arousal at bedtime, which produces the bad night.

It tends to show up as:

• Dreading bedtime
• Hours awake with a busy mind
• Sleeping worse as the week goes on

Removing the pressure to sleep is the active ingredient. This gives you something to do that is not trying.

Doing this before a hard conversation

• Do it before, not during, and again after if it went badly
• Decide your one non-negotiable sentence beforehand
• Plan to let the other person speak first

Being settled makes it easier to listen rather than to defend. That is usually what the conversation needs.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're sitting, let the chair do the work of holding you upright.
2. 0:13Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
3. 0:29Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
4. 0:42Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
5. 0:55Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
6. 1:09Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
7. 1:21Give the wide-awake mind at 2am a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
8. 1:39You do not have to win against the counting of hours until morning. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
9. 1:57Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
10. 2:08If you catch yourself fighting the frustration of not sleeping, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
11. 2:26Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
12. 2:37Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
13. 2:52Give your hands a stretch before you go back to using them.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.