7-minute guided letting go practice for shame — on the morning of an interview

About this practice

For the times on the morning of an interview when shame takes up more room than you would like — 7 minutes, letting go. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: shame

Shame is about the self, not the act — a sense of being fundamentally flawed. Its physical signature is the wish to shrink or disappear.

It tends to show up as:

• Wanting to hide or leave
• Feeling exposed in ordinary situations
• A hot face and lowered gaze

Warmth and steadiness are the useful response to shrinking. A gentle voice, unimpressed by the shame, is the opposite of what shame expects.

Doing this before an interview

• Do it where you will not be interrupted, even if that is a stairwell
• Have the first sentence of your answer ready afterwards
• Keep it short — there is no time for a long session

Nerves before an interview are normal and not something to eliminate. You need access to what you know, nothing more.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your belly be soft. Not sucked in. Just soft.
2. 0:12With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
3. 0:27This is not a performance. Nobody is listening to how well you're doing it.
4. 0:41Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
5. 0:54Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
6. 1:07Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
7. 1:19Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
8. 1:32Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
9. 1:44Feel your calves, front and back.
10. 1:54Feel the weight of the feeling of being fundamentally flawed somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
11. 2:11When the smallness shame brings arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
12. 2:30Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
13. 2:41Just the breath, still.
14. 2:50Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
15. 3:03Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
16. 3:17Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
17. 3:28Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
18. 3:40We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
19. 3:55If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
20. 4:08Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
21. 4:22Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
22. 4:33If you catch yourself fighting the wish to disappear, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
23. 4:50Nothing about the feeling of being fundamentally flawed has to be explained or justified in this room.
24. 5:05Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
25. 5:18If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
26. 5:30Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
27. 5:43Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
28. 5:54You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
29. 6:09Let the last of the stillness stay with you for a few more seconds.
30. 6:23Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.