Shame: 12-minute letting go meditation, at the airport

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 12 minutes of letting go for shame, at the airport. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: shame

Shame is about the self, not the act — a sense of being fundamentally flawed. Its physical signature is the wish to shrink or disappear.

It tends to show up as:

• Wanting to hide or leave
• Feeling exposed in ordinary situations
• A hot face and lowered gaze

Warmth and steadiness are the useful response to shrinking. A gentle voice, unimpressed by the shame, is the opposite of what shame expects.

Doing this on a plane

• Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on
• Bring a layer — being cold works against settling
• Skip alcohol; it makes the alertness worse

Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Loosen your grip on whatever you're holding, or imagine loosening it.
2. 0:12Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
3. 0:27Let the rhythm of your breathing set the pace, not the words.
4. 0:40Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
5. 0:56Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
6. 1:10Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
7. 1:26Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
8. 1:37Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
9. 1:50Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
10. 2:03Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
11. 2:15Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
12. 2:32Let the exhale carry a little of the smallness shame brings with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
13. 2:51Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
14. 3:03If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
15. 3:16We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
16. 3:31Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
17. 3:43If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
18. 3:58Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
19. 4:14Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
20. 4:25Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
21. 4:39With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
22. 4:54I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
23. 5:06If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
24. 5:20You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
25. 5:35A short silence. Let it be empty.
26. 5:45Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
27. 5:56Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
28. 6:10Let it be this simple.
29. 6:19Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
30. 6:31Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
31. 6:45Let the pause stretch out.
32. 6:54Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
33. 7:05Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
34. 7:16Stay here a little longer.
35. 7:25Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
36. 7:36Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
37. 7:50A few seconds more.
38. 7:59Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
39. 8:11Picture the wish to disappear as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
40. 8:29Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
41. 8:41If the feeling of being fundamentally flawed is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
42. 8:59Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
43. 9:13Give the smallness shame brings a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
44. 9:30Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the wish to disappear is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
45. 9:49Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
46. 10:02If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
47. 10:15Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
48. 10:29Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
49. 10:39Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
50. 10:55Let your body keep settling.
51. 11:04Roll your neck once, slowly, in whichever direction feels good.
52. 11:16Let the next breath be the start of the rest of the day.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.