7-minute guided letting go practice for mindfulness — before a conversation you are dreading

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 7 minutes of letting go for mindfulness, before a conversation you are dreading. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: mindfulness

Attention spends most of its time in the past or the future. Being present is not a state you find, it is a return you keep making.

It tends to show up as:

• Missing conversations while composing replies
• Arriving somewhere with no memory of the walk
• Eating without tasting

Every return to the senses is a repetition of the actual skill. Losing it is part of the practice, not a break in it.

Doing this before a hard conversation

• Do it before, not during, and again after if it went badly
• Decide your one non-negotiable sentence beforehand
• Plan to let the other person speak first

Being settled makes it easier to listen rather than to defend. That is usually what the conversation needs.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Check your hands. Are they doing anything? Let them stop.
2. 0:12If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
3. 0:25Let the last hour go on its own. You can pick it up again afterwards.
4. 0:39Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
5. 0:55Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
6. 1:07Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
7. 1:21Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
8. 1:32Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
9. 1:45Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
10. 1:56You have been carrying the present moment you keep leaving for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
11. 2:17There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
12. 2:35Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
13. 2:49Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
14. 2:59Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
15. 3:15Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
16. 3:25Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
17. 3:39A short silence. Let it be empty.
18. 3:49You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
19. 4:02Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
20. 4:14Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
21. 4:27Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
22. 4:38You do not have to like the ordinary present tense to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
23. 4:54You do not have to win against the present moment you keep leaving. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
24. 5:12Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
25. 5:26If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
26. 5:40If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
27. 5:53No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
28. 6:04Nothing here needs to be efficient.
29. 6:14Notice if anything has loosened. Even slightly counts.
30. 6:25Come back to the room through your senses, one at a time.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.