20-minute guided softening practice for the inner critic — at the airport

About this practice

20 minutes to meet the inner critic with less of a fight. A softening practice, at the airport. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this on a plane

• Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on
• Bring a layer — being cold works against settling
• Skip alcohol; it makes the alertness worse

Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're sitting, let the chair do the work of holding you upright.
2. 0:13If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
3. 0:28If your mind is loud, that's information, not failure.
4. 0:39We'll work through this slowly. If you lose the thread, the thread will wait.
5. 0:53Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
6. 1:06Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
7. 1:19Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
8. 1:31Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
9. 1:43Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
10. 1:53Feel the tops of your thighs.
11. 2:03Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
12. 2:15If the judge in your head starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
13. 2:32Notice how the running commentary on your flaws changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
14. 2:49Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
15. 3:03Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
16. 3:20Let the exhale carry a little of the judge in your head with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
17. 3:39Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
18. 3:50If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
19. 4:03Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
20. 4:17Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
21. 4:29If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
22. 4:43We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
23. 4:57I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
24. 5:09If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
25. 5:22Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
26. 5:35Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
27. 5:46If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
28. 5:59With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
29. 6:14I'll step back. You stay here.
30. 6:24Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
31. 6:36Let the quiet do its work.
32. 6:46Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
33. 6:59Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
34. 7:12No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
35. 7:23Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
36. 7:34Nothing changes for a moment.
37. 7:43Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
38. 7:57Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
39. 8:11Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
40. 8:23Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
41. 8:36Keep following the air.
42. 8:45Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
43. 8:56Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
44. 9:09Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
45. 9:20If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
46. 9:34Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
47. 9:45Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
48. 9:58No rush to move on.
49. 10:07Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
50. 10:19I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
51. 10:32Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
52. 10:44Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
53. 10:57Let your body keep settling.
54. 11:06If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
55. 11:20Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
56. 11:31Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
57. 11:43Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
58. 11:59A few seconds more.
59. 12:08Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
60. 12:21Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
61. 12:32Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
62. 12:44Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
63. 12:56Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
64. 13:06Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
65. 13:18Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
66. 13:30Stay here a little longer.
67. 13:39Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
68. 13:51Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
69. 14:04Let this one be unhurried.
70. 14:13Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
71. 14:27Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
72. 14:40No need to open your eyes yet.
73. 14:50Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
74. 15:01There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
75. 15:19A short silence. Let it be empty.
76. 15:29You do not have to win against the voice that grades everything. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
77. 15:47Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
78. 16:01Nothing about the judge in your head has to be explained or justified in this room.
79. 16:16Imagine softening the edges of the running commentary on your flaws. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
80. 16:34Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
81. 16:47the voice that grades everything may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
82. 17:05You are allowed to be unimpressed by the judge in your head. Indifference is a legitimate response.
83. 17:20Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
84. 17:31Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
85. 17:43You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
86. 17:55If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
87. 18:06Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
88. 18:18Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
89. 18:32Let the pause stretch out.
90. 18:41Roll your neck once, slowly, in whichever direction feels good.
91. 18:53Before you move, notice one thing that's fine right now.
92. 19:05Let it be this simple.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.