Meditation for the inner critic: 7-minute softening session, before you talk

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for the inner critic. A softening session you can do before you talk. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this before public speaking

• Do it somewhere private, or in the washroom if needed
• Slow the exhale deliberately and check your speaking pace after
• Warm the voice by reading a line aloud, not by staying silent

Rushing is the tell of nerves. A slower breath now is what sets a slower pace in the room.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your eyes soften. Not closed, just less busy.
2. 0:11Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
3. 0:25Now let your attention move from the room into your body, slowly, the way you'd move through a doorway you know well.
4. 0:43Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
5. 0:56Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
6. 1:10Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
7. 1:22Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
8. 1:32Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
9. 1:43Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
10. 1:55There is no correct amount of the running commentary on your flaws to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
11. 2:14Notice how the voice that grades everything changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
12. 2:31Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
13. 2:43Remain here for a few more breaths.
14. 2:53Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
15. 3:06Feel your calves, front and back.
16. 3:16Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
17. 3:28Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
18. 3:39Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
19. 3:53Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
20. 4:04Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
21. 4:17Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
22. 4:29If the judge in your head shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
23. 4:49Nothing about the running commentary on your flaws has to be explained or justified in this room.
24. 5:04Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
25. 5:20You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
26. 5:32Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
27. 5:44Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
28. 5:56If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
29. 6:11Start to notice the edges of your body again, and the surface you're on.
30. 6:25Come back to your body first, and the rest of the day second.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.