Letting go meditation for anticipatory anxiety (5 min), before a hard conversation

About this practice

When anticipatory anxiety shows up before a hard conversation, this 5-minute letting go session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 5 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anticipatory anxiety

Dread of an upcoming event is often heavier than the event itself. The waiting period keeps the body in low-level alert for days.

It tends to show up as:

• Stomach dropping when you remember what is coming
• Sleep getting worse as the date approaches
• Wanting to cancel to get relief

The anticipation is a state, not a warning. Practising being in the present while the dread is present teaches the body it can wait without bracing.

Doing this before a hard conversation

• Do it before, not during, and again after if it went badly
• Decide your one non-negotiable sentence beforehand
• Plan to let the other person speak first

Being settled makes it easier to listen rather than to defend. That is usually what the conversation needs.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let the floor take your weight through your feet, and stop holding yourself up for a second.
2. 0:15Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
3. 0:30Let your body feel heavier than it did a minute ago. Let the chair or the floor take it.
4. 0:46Settle into the fact that for the next few minutes, nothing is required of you.
5. 1:00Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
6. 1:16Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
7. 1:30Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
8. 1:43Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
9. 1:54Feel your upper back against whatever is behind it.
10. 2:05Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
11. 2:21If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
12. 2:33You have been carrying the waiting that feels heavier than the thing for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
13. 2:55When the nervous hours before presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
14. 3:14Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
15. 3:27If the dread of an event that has not happened has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
16. 3:46Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
17. 3:58I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
18. 4:10We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
19. 4:25Take your time opening your eyes. Nothing is waiting urgently.
20. 4:37Stay here a little longer.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.