20-minute guided breathing practice for perfectionism — on a train

About this practice

When perfectionism shows up on a train, this 20-minute breathing session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: perfectionism

Perfectionism treats a mistake as evidence rather than an incident. The bar rises precisely where self-worth is attached, which is why it never becomes achievable.

It tends to show up as:

• Endless polishing before sharing
• Fear of a wrong step
• Delaying work until conditions are ideal

A practice with no grade attached is a useful counterweight. There is no wrong way to do the next few minutes.

Doing this on a train

• Pick a window seat if you can and let the view do part of the work
• Set an alarm for your stop
• Keep the bag on your lap rather than unfastening to find it later

The motion can make reading or screens uncomfortable, which is another reason audio works better here.

How breathing works

A breathing practice uses the breath as the object of attention and as the control lever. Because exhaling slows the heart through the vagus nerve, it acts on the nervous system directly rather than through thinking.

• Keep the exhale longer than the inhale — that is the active ingredient
• Count the exhales and start again whenever you lose count
• Do not force depth; let the breath find its own level

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let the floor take your weight through your feet, and stop holding yourself up for a second.
2. 0:15Small efforts are the whole method.
3. 0:25You can think about other things. When you notice, come back. That's the whole practice.
4. 0:39Notice the pause at the end of each breath. It's short, but it's there.
5. 0:53Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
6. 1:06Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
7. 1:20Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
8. 1:33Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
9. 1:45Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
10. 1:55Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
11. 2:08Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
12. 2:20You do not have to like the fear of a wrong step to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
13. 2:37Imagine softening the edges of the demand that everything be exactly right. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
14. 2:56Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
15. 3:07You do not have to win against the bar that is always too high. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
16. 3:26Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
17. 3:43Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
18. 3:56Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
19. 4:09We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
20. 4:19No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
21. 4:30If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
22. 4:43We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
23. 4:57I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
24. 5:09If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
25. 5:20Nothing here needs to be efficient.
26. 5:30Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
27. 5:41Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
28. 5:54You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
29. 6:07Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
30. 6:18If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
31. 6:31Let this be easy, if easy is available.
32. 6:42I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
33. 6:55If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
34. 7:09There's no need to try harder than this.
35. 7:20Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
36. 7:32If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
37. 7:46No need to open your eyes yet.
38. 7:56Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
39. 8:07Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
40. 8:18I'll step back. You stay here.
41. 8:28If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
42. 8:41Nothing changes for a moment.
43. 8:50Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
44. 9:04Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
45. 9:16Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
46. 9:28Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
47. 9:41A few seconds more.
48. 9:50If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
49. 10:03A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
50. 10:14Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
51. 10:26Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
52. 10:40Keep following the air.
53. 10:49If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
54. 11:02Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
55. 11:14Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
56. 11:26Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
57. 11:39Just the breath, still.
58. 11:48Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
59. 11:59Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
60. 12:12Remain here for a few more breaths.
61. 12:22Feel the tops of your thighs.
62. 12:32Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
63. 12:46Stay with it.
64. 12:54Notice your breathing, without changing it.
65. 13:04Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
66. 13:18Let the quiet do its work.
67. 13:28Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
68. 13:41Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
69. 13:54Stay here a little longer.
70. 14:03Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
71. 14:13Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
72. 14:24Let the pause stretch out.
73. 14:33Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
74. 14:47If the demand that everything be exactly right has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
75. 15:06Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
76. 15:16Think of the bar that is always too high as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
77. 15:35Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
78. 15:49Picture the fear of a wrong step as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
79. 16:08You have been carrying the demand that everything be exactly right for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
80. 16:29Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
81. 16:42If the bar that is always too high shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
82. 17:03Each time your mind hands you the fear of a wrong step, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
83. 17:23Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
84. 17:38Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
85. 17:52Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
86. 18:04Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
87. 18:16A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
88. 18:27If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
89. 18:40Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
90. 18:50Let the last of the stillness stay with you for a few more seconds.
91. 19:04Let the quiet end on its own rather than cutting it off.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.