15-minute self-compassion meditation for the inner critic, before a difficult talk

About this practice

15 minutes to meet the inner critic with less of a fight. A self-compassion practice, before a difficult talk. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this before a hard conversation

• Do it before, not during, and again after if it went badly
• Decide your one non-negotiable sentence beforehand
• Plan to let the other person speak first

Being settled makes it easier to listen rather than to defend. That is usually what the conversation needs.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Check your hands. Are they doing anything? Let them stop.
2. 0:12Small efforts are the whole method.
3. 0:22Let your body feel heavier than it did a minute ago. Let the chair or the floor take it.
4. 0:38Notice the weight of your arms without moving them.
5. 0:49Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
6. 1:03Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
7. 1:16Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
8. 1:28Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
9. 1:39Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
10. 1:52Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
11. 2:03Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
12. 2:15Whatever the voice that grades everything is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
13. 2:30If the judge in your head is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
14. 2:47Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
15. 3:02Nothing about the running commentary on your flaws has to be explained or justified in this room.
16. 3:17You have been carrying the voice that grades everything for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
17. 3:37Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
18. 3:48Let the quiet do its work.
19. 3:58If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
20. 4:12Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
21. 4:24No rush to move on.
22. 4:33Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
23. 4:46Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
24. 4:57Let the pause stretch out.
25. 5:06Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
26. 5:20Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
27. 5:33Keep following the air.
28. 5:42Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
29. 5:55Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
30. 6:08Let your body keep settling.
31. 6:17Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
32. 6:31Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
33. 6:41Let this one be unhurried.
34. 6:50Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
35. 7:04If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
36. 7:17Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
37. 7:28We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
38. 7:38If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
39. 7:51Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
40. 8:02There's no need to try harder than this.
41. 8:13If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
42. 8:27I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
43. 8:40Let this be easy, if easy is available.
44. 8:51If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
45. 9:05Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
46. 9:15We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
47. 9:29Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
48. 9:42Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
49. 9:53Nothing here needs to be efficient.
50. 10:03Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
51. 10:15A short silence. Let it be empty.
52. 10:25You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
53. 10:38Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
54. 10:50Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
55. 11:04Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
56. 11:16You are allowed to be unimpressed by the judge in your head. Indifference is a legitimate response.
57. 11:31Notice where the running commentary on your flaws lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
58. 11:50Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
59. 12:03the voice that grades everything may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
60. 12:21If the judge in your head starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
61. 12:38Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
62. 12:49Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
63. 13:00Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
64. 13:14Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
65. 13:25No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
66. 13:36If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
67. 13:49Just the breath, still.
68. 13:58Wiggle your fingers and toes, gently, like you're testing that they still work.
69. 14:11Give your hands a stretch before you go back to using them.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.