12-minute self-compassion meditation for mindfulness, before sleep

About this practice

For the times before sleep when mindfulness takes up more room than you would like — 12 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: mindfulness

Attention spends most of its time in the past or the future. Being present is not a state you find, it is a return you keep making.

It tends to show up as:

• Missing conversations while composing replies
• Arriving somewhere with no memory of the walk
• Eating without tasting

Every return to the senses is a repetition of the actual skill. Losing it is part of the practice, not a break in it.

Doing this before sleep

• Dim the lights and put the phone out of reach
• Do it in bed if that helps you stay there
• Let yourself fall asleep rather than finishing it

Checking anything afterwards undoes most of it. Let this be the last thing.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If your legs are crossed, uncross them. Small changes count.
2. 0:12Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
3. 0:26Bring your attention to where your body meets the surface underneath you.
4. 0:39Let your attention rest on the out-breath. The in-breath can take care of itself.
5. 0:53Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
6. 1:06Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
7. 1:19Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
8. 1:31Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
9. 1:43Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
10. 1:55Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
11. 2:07There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
12. 2:25Notice how the ordinary present tense changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
13. 2:41Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
14. 2:54If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
15. 3:08The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
16. 3:23No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
17. 3:34Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
18. 3:48You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
19. 4:01Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
20. 4:12Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
21. 4:24Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
22. 4:39Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
23. 4:50If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
24. 5:04Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
25. 5:20A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
26. 5:31Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
27. 5:43Feel the tops of your thighs.
28. 5:53Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
29. 6:04Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
30. 6:14Feel your calves, front and back.
31. 6:24Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
32. 6:39Remain here for a few more breaths.
33. 6:49Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
34. 7:01Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
35. 7:14No rush to move on.
36. 7:23Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
37. 7:35Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
38. 7:47Take the next breath slowly.
39. 7:56Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
40. 8:08Imagine the present moment you keep leaving as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
41. 8:27Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
42. 8:37You do not have to win against the here-and-now your attention skips. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
43. 8:55Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
44. 9:09This is not the last time the ordinary present tense will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
45. 9:28If you catch yourself fighting the present moment you keep leaving, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
46. 9:46Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
47. 10:00If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
48. 10:14Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
49. 10:25Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
50. 10:37Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
51. 10:53Stay here a little longer.
52. 11:02Let the next breath be the start of the rest of the day.
53. 11:15Let your eyes open when they're ready, not when the words end.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.