Softening for mindfulness: 20 minutes, on a day off

About this practice

20 minutes to meet mindfulness with less of a fight. A softening practice, on a day off. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: mindfulness

Attention spends most of its time in the past or the future. Being present is not a state you find, it is a return you keep making.

It tends to show up as:

• Missing conversations while composing replies
• Arriving somewhere with no memory of the walk
• Eating without tasting

Every return to the senses is a repetition of the actual skill. Losing it is part of the practice, not a break in it.

Doing this on a rest day

• Do it without a reason or a target
• Later in the day, unhurried, in good light
• Let it be longer than usual if you want

Rest that has to be justified is not really rest. This one is allowed to be pointless.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Start by hearing the furthest sound you can find.
2. 0:11Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
3. 0:25Let your attention rest on the out-breath. The in-breath can take care of itself.
4. 0:39Let your attention settle on the space between your nose and your upper lip, where the air passes.
5. 0:55Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
6. 1:06Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
7. 1:17Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
8. 1:31Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
9. 1:43Feel the tops of your thighs.
10. 1:53Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
11. 2:06Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
12. 2:17When the ordinary present tense presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
13. 2:36If you catch yourself fighting the present moment you keep leaving, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
14. 2:54Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
15. 3:08There is no correct amount of the here-and-now your attention skips to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
16. 3:26Each time your mind hands you the ordinary present tense, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
17. 3:45Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
18. 3:59If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
19. 4:12Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
20. 4:25I'll step back. You stay here.
21. 4:35If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
22. 4:49We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
23. 5:03Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
24. 5:14If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
25. 5:27Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
26. 5:41I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
27. 5:53If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
28. 6:04If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
29. 6:19Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
30. 6:29Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
31. 6:42Let this one be unhurried.
32. 6:51Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
33. 7:02Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
34. 7:14A short silence. Let it be empty.
35. 7:24If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
36. 7:39Just the breath, still.
37. 7:48Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
38. 8:03Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
39. 8:17I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
40. 8:29If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
41. 8:43No need to open your eyes yet.
42. 8:53Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
43. 9:04Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
44. 9:17Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
45. 9:29Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
46. 9:41Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
47. 9:53A few seconds more.
48. 10:02Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
49. 10:13Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
50. 10:25Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
51. 10:38Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
52. 10:51Stay here a little longer.
53. 11:00Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
54. 11:11I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
55. 11:24Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
56. 11:36Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
57. 11:47Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
58. 11:57Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
59. 12:11Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
60. 12:22Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
61. 12:34Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
62. 12:48Stay with it.
63. 12:56Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
64. 13:08Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
65. 13:21Keep following the air.
66. 13:30Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
67. 13:42Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
68. 13:55No rush to move on.
69. 14:04Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
70. 14:15Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
71. 14:27Take the next breath slowly.
72. 14:36Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
73. 14:49You do not have to win against the present moment you keep leaving. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
74. 15:07Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
75. 15:19Let the here-and-now your attention skips be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
76. 15:39Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
77. 15:52Imagine softening the edges of the ordinary present tense. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
78. 16:09You do not have to solve the present moment you keep leaving in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
79. 16:29Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
80. 16:42Whatever the here-and-now your attention skips is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
81. 16:57Notice where the ordinary present tense lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
82. 17:15Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
83. 17:28If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
84. 17:42If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
85. 17:57Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
86. 18:08A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
87. 18:19With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
88. 18:34Let it be this simple.
89. 18:43If you drifted off, that was rest, and rest counts.
90. 18:55Notice the room again: the sounds, the temperature, the light.
91. 19:07Let your body keep settling.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.