12-minute guided self-compassion practice for tension headaches — at bedtime

About this practice

When tension headaches shows up at bedtime, this 12-minute self-compassion session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: tension headaches

Tension headaches follow a band of tightness across the forehead and around the skull, usually the product of long staring, jaw clenching and neck position.

It tends to show up as:

• A band of pressure across the forehead
• Pressure behind the eyes
• Ache worsening through the day

Softening the jaw, eyes and neck interrupts the pattern early. Once a tension headache settles in it is harder to shift.

Doing this before bed

• Do it in bed or somewhere you can move straight to bed after
• Lower the light, and do not check anything afterwards
• If you fall asleep before the end, it worked

Falling asleep mid-session is a success, not a failure to complete it.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Then find the nearest sound. It's probably your own breathing.
2. 0:12The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
3. 0:27Let your attention rest on the out-breath. The in-breath can take care of itself.
4. 0:41We'll start broad and narrow down. Nothing sudden is coming.
5. 0:53Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
6. 1:06Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
7. 1:20Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
8. 1:34Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
9. 1:45Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
10. 1:57Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
11. 2:09Whatever the band around the forehead is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
12. 2:24If the pressure building behind the eyes has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
13. 2:42Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
14. 2:53Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
15. 3:06Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
16. 3:22Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
17. 3:33Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
18. 3:45Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
19. 4:01Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
20. 4:13If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
21. 4:28Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
22. 4:42Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
23. 4:53If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
24. 5:06Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
25. 5:21Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
26. 5:33If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
27. 5:48Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
28. 6:01Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
29. 6:13Let your body keep settling.
30. 6:22Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
31. 6:35Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
32. 6:48Keep following the air.
33. 6:57Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
34. 7:08Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
35. 7:23Just the breath, still.
36. 7:32Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
37. 7:44Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
38. 7:58No need to open your eyes yet.
39. 8:08Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
40. 8:20Notice where the ache from a long staring day lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
41. 8:39Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
42. 8:51You do not have to like the band around the forehead to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
43. 9:08Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
44. 9:21If the pressure building behind the eyes starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
45. 9:38Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the ache from a long staring day is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
46. 9:58Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
47. 10:11Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
48. 10:24Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
49. 10:35Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
50. 10:46You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
51. 10:59Remain here for a few more breaths.
52. 11:09Stretch whatever feels stiff, then carry on.
53. 11:19Notice whether you feel any different. If not, that's also normal.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.