3-minute guided softening practice for the inner critic — at bedtime

About this practice

For the times at bedtime when the inner critic takes up more room than you would like — 3 minutes, softening. A guided session of about 3 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this before bed

• Do it in bed or somewhere you can move straight to bed after
• Lower the light, and do not check anything afterwards
• If you fall asleep before the end, it worked

Falling asleep mid-session is a success, not a failure to complete it.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Part of you is still in the last conversation you had. That's fine. It can sit here too.
2. 0:16With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
3. 0:31Let your sense of the room shrink down to just your body and the surface you're on.
4. 0:46Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
5. 1:01Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
6. 1:15Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
7. 1:25If the voice that grades everything is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
8. 1:42Give the judge in your head a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
9. 2:00Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
10. 2:12Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the running commentary on your flaws is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
11. 2:31If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
12. 2:44If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
13. 2:59Let your jaw, shoulders and hands be loose as you finish.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.