Guide · self-compassion · 3 min read
When the inner voice will not let something go — what to try first, when you want to be left alone
Self-criticism usually repeats because it is trying to prevent something. Arguing with it does not work. Understanding it sometimes does.
Start here
This is not complicated. It is inconvenient, which is why most people skip it.
Nothing here asks anything of you socially.
If you only do one thing from this page, do the first point below. It is first because it removes the most friction for the least effort.
What helps
Ask what it is trying to prevent. Criticism is often a clumsy form of protection, not a verdict.
Ask whether you would say it to someone you like. If not, that is information, not an instruction to be nicer.
Separate the behaviour from the person. "I did that badly" is workable. "I am bad at this" is not.
What to do when it does not work
Notice how the criticism feels in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Feeling it somewhere specific makes it smaller than a global verdict about you.
Write down what the voice is actually saying, in full. It is usually vaguer and less reasonable on paper than in your head.
Set a time limit on the replaying. Fifteen minutes, then do something physical. Rumination does not resolve anything; it just repeats.
Questions people ask
Is this just positive thinking?
No. It is not about replacing the thought with a nicer one. It is about noticing that the thought is one opinion among several.
Written for people who want the practical version. No accounts, no tracking, no newsletter wall.
If this is not the angle you need, try Why anxiety shows up in your body first, in the order that helps, when you have woken up too early, Working in a noisy place without losing your mind — a realistic guide, when you have already had a long week or Working in a noisy place without losing your mind — the unglamorous version, when you are somewhere noisy.