Guide · stress · 3 min read
Preparing for a conversation you are dreading, in plain terms, when you are somewhere unfamiliar
Most dread is about the first thirty seconds, not the conversation. Prepare for those and the rest gets easier.
Start here
This is not complicated. It is inconvenient, which is why most people skip it.
It travels well. Hotels, spare rooms, other people’s sofas.
If you only do one thing from this page, do the first point below. It is first because it removes the most friction for the least effort.
What helps
Do four slow breaths before you start. Not to calm down — to give yourself a beginning.
Decide in advance what you will do if it goes badly. Having an exit plan makes it less likely you will need one.
Decide what you want to happen, not just what you want to say. Those are different, and the second one often gets in the way of the first.
What to do when it does not work
Plan one question you genuinely want answered. It turns a speech into a conversation.
Write the first two sentences you will say. Not a script for the whole thing — just the opening, because that is where people freeze.
Pick a time when neither of you is hungry, tired or about to leave. Timing prevents more bad conversations than phrasing does.
Questions people ask
Should I write it down and read it?
For the opening, sometimes. Beyond that, reading a script usually makes people sound less like themselves.
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