Guide · stress · 3 min read
Preparing for a conversation you are dreading — an honest guide, if you are sceptical about all of this
Most dread is about the first thirty seconds, not the conversation. Prepare for those and the rest gets easier.
Start here
Six things, in the order that makes the most difference. The first two do most of the work.
Scepticism is welcome. You do not have to believe anything for this to work.
If you only do one thing from this page, do the first point below. It is first because it removes the most friction for the least effort.
What helps
Write the first two sentences you will say. Not a script for the whole thing — just the opening, because that is where people freeze.
Decide in advance what you will do if it goes badly. Having an exit plan makes it less likely you will need one.
Decide what you want to happen, not just what you want to say. Those are different, and the second one often gets in the way of the first.
What to do when it does not work
Do four slow breaths before you start. Not to calm down — to give yourself a beginning.
Plan one question you genuinely want answered. It turns a speech into a conversation.
Pick a time when neither of you is hungry, tired or about to leave. Timing prevents more bad conversations than phrasing does.
Questions people ask
What if the other person gets upset?
Let them. Being upset is not the same as the conversation failing. Pausing for a minute is allowed.
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