Guide · stress · 3 min read
Preparing for a conversation you are dreading — a practical guide, before you go back to something hard
Most dread is about the first thirty seconds, not the conversation. Prepare for those and the rest gets easier.
Start here
The order matters less than doing the first one tonight. Start there and come back to the rest.
Five minutes here is cheaper than an hour of grinding.
If you only do one thing from this page, do the first point below. It is first because it removes the most friction for the least effort.
What helps
Decide what you want to happen, not just what you want to say. Those are different, and the second one often gets in the way of the first.
Write the first two sentences you will say. Not a script for the whole thing — just the opening, because that is where people freeze.
Pick a time when neither of you is hungry, tired or about to leave. Timing prevents more bad conversations than phrasing does.
What to do when it does not work
Decide in advance what you will do if it goes badly. Having an exit plan makes it less likely you will need one.
Do four slow breaths before you start. Not to calm down — to give yourself a beginning.
Questions people ask
Should I write it down and read it?
For the opening, sometimes. Beyond that, reading a script usually makes people sound less like themselves.
What if the other person gets upset?
Let them. Being upset is not the same as the conversation failing. Pausing for a minute is allowed.
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