Softening for anticipatory anxiety: 15 minutes, between calls

About this practice

15 minutes to meet anticipatory anxiety with less of a fight. A softening practice, between calls. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anticipatory anxiety

Dread of an upcoming event is often heavier than the event itself. The waiting period keeps the body in low-level alert for days.

It tends to show up as:

• Stomach dropping when you remember what is coming
• Sleep getting worse as the date approaches
• Wanting to cancel to get relief

The anticipation is a state, not a warning. Practising being in the present while the dread is present teaches the body it can wait without bracing.

Doing this between meetings

• Start it in the gap, not after the next one begins
• Write down the open thread from the last meeting first, then let it go
• Two minutes done beats five minutes planned

The back-to-back day is exactly why the gap has to be protected rather than used for one more task.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your belly be soft. Not sucked in. Just soft.
2. 0:12If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
3. 0:27Everything that happens in the next few minutes is allowed to happen.
4. 0:40This is not a performance. Nobody is listening to how well you're doing it.
5. 0:54Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
6. 1:07Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
7. 1:20Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
8. 1:33Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
9. 1:43Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
10. 1:56Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
11. 2:10Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
12. 2:22If the dread of an event that has not happened has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
13. 2:41Each time your mind hands you the waiting that feels heavier than the thing, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
14. 3:02Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
15. 3:15Notice where the nervous hours before lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
16. 3:33There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
17. 3:51Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
18. 4:03No rush to move on.
19. 4:12Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
20. 4:24Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
21. 4:35Nothing changes for a moment.
22. 4:44Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
23. 4:56Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
24. 5:08Just the breath, still.
25. 5:17Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
26. 5:31Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
27. 5:42Stay here a little longer.
28. 5:51Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
29. 6:07Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
30. 6:18Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
31. 6:30Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
32. 6:41Take the next breath slowly.
33. 6:50Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
34. 7:03If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
35. 7:18A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
36. 7:29Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
37. 7:41Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
38. 7:55A few seconds more.
39. 8:04Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
40. 8:15Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
41. 8:27With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
42. 8:42Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
43. 8:54Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
44. 9:05Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
45. 9:18If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
46. 9:32Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
47. 9:43Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
48. 9:57Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
49. 10:11I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
50. 10:24We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
51. 10:38If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
52. 10:51Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
53. 11:03Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
54. 11:14Imagine the waiting that feels heavier than the thing as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
55. 11:33Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
56. 11:50Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
57. 12:03You are allowed to be unimpressed by the dread of an event that has not happened. Indifference is a legitimate response.
58. 12:20Whatever the waiting that feels heavier than the thing is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
59. 12:37Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
60. 12:48You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
61. 13:00Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
62. 13:11Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
63. 13:23A short silence. Let it be empty.
64. 13:33Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
65. 13:47Let the pause stretch out.
66. 13:56Come back to the room through your senses, one at a time.
67. 14:09Let your eyes open when they're ready, not when the words end.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.