Shame: 5-minute letting go meditation, on the way in

About this practice

When shame shows up on the way in, this 5-minute letting go session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 5 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: shame

Shame is about the self, not the act — a sense of being fundamentally flawed. Its physical signature is the wish to shrink or disappear.

It tends to show up as:

• Wanting to hide or leave
• Feeling exposed in ordinary situations
• A hot face and lowered gaze

Warmth and steadiness are the useful response to shrinking. A gentle voice, unimpressed by the shame, is the opposite of what shame expects.

Doing this on your commute

• Headphones on, eyes open or closed depending on your comfort
• Keep one part of your attention on your stop
• Do it standing if sitting is not possible — nobody is watching

Commuting time is already dead time. Nothing is being given up.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Feel your ribs move. That is all the machinery you need to pay attention to right now.
2. 0:15You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
3. 0:30Feel the small movements your body makes to keep you upright. They're happening without you.
4. 0:44Let your body be exactly as tired as it is.
5. 0:56Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
6. 1:07Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
7. 1:18Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
8. 1:29Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
9. 1:41Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
10. 1:52Let the quiet do its work.
11. 2:02Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
12. 2:15Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
13. 2:27Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
14. 2:42If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
15. 2:55Nothing about the feeling of being fundamentally flawed has to be explained or justified in this room.
16. 3:10You do not have to win against the smallness shame brings. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
17. 3:27Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
18. 3:40Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
19. 3:57If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
20. 4:10Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
21. 4:21We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
22. 4:36Stretch whatever feels stiff, then carry on.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.