Self-compassion meditation for sleep (10 min), during the evening wind-down

About this practice

When sleep shows up during the evening wind-down, this 10-minute self-compassion session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: sleep

Sleep arrives on a downslope, not on command. Arousal has to fall for some minutes before the switch flips, and trying harder keeps it up.

It tends to show up as:

• Getting a second wind at bedtime
• Mind starting up as soon as the light goes off
• Sleep arriving much later than you intended

The practice is to stop steering. Following a slow voice occupies the part of the mind that would otherwise be trying.

Doing this in the evening

• Dim the lights first — bright light works against the point
• Put the phone in another room
• Keep it slow rather than interesting

Something too engaging will wake you up rather than wind you down.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your eyes soften. Not closed, just less busy.
2. 0:11You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
3. 0:24Notice the pause at the end of each breath. It's short, but it's there.
4. 0:38Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
5. 0:54Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
6. 1:08Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
7. 1:19Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
8. 1:32Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
9. 1:45Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
10. 1:57Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
11. 2:11Whatever the day folding itself up is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
12. 2:26There is no correct amount of the quiet your mind keeps postponing to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
13. 2:45Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
14. 2:57Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
15. 3:13A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
16. 3:24If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
17. 3:37Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
18. 3:51Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
19. 4:02If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
20. 4:16Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
21. 4:31Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
22. 4:43Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
23. 4:54No need to open your eyes yet.
24. 5:04Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
25. 5:15Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
26. 5:30Let the quiet do its work.
27. 5:40Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
28. 5:51Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
29. 6:05Keep following the air.
30. 6:14Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
31. 6:26Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
32. 6:39Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
33. 6:51You have been carrying the heaviness your body already knows for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
34. 7:12Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
35. 7:29Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
36. 7:41Give the quiet your mind keeps postponing a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
37. 7:59If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
38. 8:12If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
39. 8:25I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
40. 8:37Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
41. 8:53Let it be this simple.
42. 9:02Let the pace of the last few minutes set the pace of the next few.
43. 9:16Let your breathing go back to whatever it does when nobody is watching.
44. 9:29A few seconds more.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.