Self-compassion for insomnia: 20 minutes, on a Sunday

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 20 minutes of self-compassion for insomnia, on a Sunday. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: insomnia

Insomnia is often maintained by the fear of not sleeping. Anticipating a bad night raises arousal at bedtime, which produces the bad night.

It tends to show up as:

• Dreading bedtime
• Hours awake with a busy mind
• Sleeping worse as the week goes on

Removing the pressure to sleep is the active ingredient. This gives you something to do that is not trying.

Doing this at the weekend

• Do it without a schedule to justify it
• Later in the morning, in better light, usually works well
• Let the length be open-ended if the time allows

Recovery is not something you have to earn first, and treating it as a reward keeps it conditional.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Notice whether you're leaning forward. Most people are, slightly, all day.
2. 0:12Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
3. 0:28Bring your attention to where your body meets the surface underneath you.
4. 0:41Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
5. 0:57Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
6. 1:11Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
7. 1:24Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
8. 1:36Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
9. 1:47Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
10. 2:00Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
11. 2:12Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
12. 2:25Imagine softening the edges of the wide-awake mind at 2am. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
13. 2:43When the counting of hours until morning arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
14. 3:02Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
15. 3:13If the frustration of not sleeping is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
16. 3:30Give the wide-awake mind at 2am a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
17. 3:48Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
18. 4:00If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
19. 4:13You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
20. 4:26Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
21. 4:38If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
22. 4:52Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
23. 5:08Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
24. 5:20Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
25. 5:32Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
26. 5:47I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
27. 5:59Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
28. 6:12Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
29. 6:26Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
30. 6:37If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
31. 6:50Keep following the air.
32. 6:59Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
33. 7:11Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
34. 7:22Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
35. 7:32Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
36. 7:45Let it be this simple.
37. 7:54Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
38. 8:08Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
39. 8:19I'll step back. You stay here.
40. 8:29If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
41. 8:42No rush to move on.
42. 8:51Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
43. 9:04Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
44. 9:17I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
45. 9:30If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
46. 9:44Let the quiet do its work.
47. 9:54You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
48. 10:06I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
49. 10:18Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
50. 10:32Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
51. 10:47Let this one be unhurried.
52. 10:56If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
53. 11:10A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
54. 11:21Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
55. 11:32Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
56. 11:45Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
57. 11:55Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
58. 12:08A short silence. Let it be empty.
59. 12:18Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
60. 12:30Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
61. 12:41Take the next breath slowly.
62. 12:50Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
63. 13:02Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
64. 13:15Just the breath, still.
65. 13:24Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
66. 13:36Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
67. 13:52Let your body keep settling.
68. 14:01Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
69. 14:14Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
70. 14:28No need to open your eyes yet.
71. 14:38Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
72. 14:50If you catch yourself fighting the counting of hours until morning, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
73. 15:08Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
74. 15:20Feel the weight of the frustration of not sleeping somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
75. 15:37Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
76. 15:50There is no correct amount of the wide-awake mind at 2am to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
77. 16:08the counting of hours until morning may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
78. 16:26Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
79. 16:37If the frustration of not sleeping shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
80. 16:57Picture the wide-awake mind at 2am as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
81. 17:16Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
82. 17:29If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
83. 17:42Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
84. 17:53Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
85. 18:04No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
86. 18:15The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
87. 18:30A few seconds more.
88. 18:39Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.
89. 18:54Wiggle your fingers and toes, gently, like you're testing that they still work.
90. 19:07Let the pause stretch out.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.