Meditation for self-criticism: 12-minute letting

About this practice

When self-criticism shows up in the hour before sleep, this 12-minute letting go session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

A running commentary on your mistakes
Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this before bed

Do it in bed or somewhere you can move straight to bed after
Lower the light, and do not check anything afterwards
If you fall asleep before the end, it worked

Falling asleep mid-session is a success, not a failure to complete it.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

0:00Turn your phone face down if it's within reach. If it's in another room, even better.
0:15You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
0:30If your mind is loud, that's information, not failure.
0:41Feel the small movements your body makes to keep you upright. They're happening without you.
0:55Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
1:09Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
1:20Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
1:34Feel your upper back against whatever is behind it.
1:45Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
1:57Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
2:09This is not the last time the harsh voice inside will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
2:28There is no correct amount of the criticism you would never aim at a friend to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
2:48Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
3:01Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
3:15Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
3:31I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
3:43If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
3:56We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
4:11Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
4:23If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
4:37With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
4:52No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
5:03If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
5:17Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
5:32A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
5:43Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
5:57Let the pause stretch out.
6:06Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
6:18Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
6:32Keep following the air.
6:41Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
6:51Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
7:04No need to open your eyes yet.
7:14Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
7:25Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
7:38Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
7:48Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
7:59You do not have to solve the record of your mistakes in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
8:18I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
8:31When the harsh voice inside arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
8:50Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
9:02You have been carrying the criticism you would never aim at a friend for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
9:24Notice the space around the record of your mistakes. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
9:42Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
9:58If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
10:12Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
10:24A short silence. Let it be empty.
10:34Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
10:50Nothing changes for a moment.
10:59Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.
11:14Let your shoulders come back up to their usual place, if they want to.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it. The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Where and when should I do this one?

Do it in bed or somewhere you can move straight to bed after. Falling asleep mid-session is a success, not a failure to complete it.

What actually happens during the 12 minutes?

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.