Meditation for falling asleep: 20-minute softening session, in the air

About this practice

20 minutes to meet falling asleep with less of a fight. A softening practice, in the air. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: falling asleep

Falling asleep is a passive process. The harder you aim at it, the further it moves, because the effort itself is arousal.

It tends to show up as:

Watching the clock
Getting frustrated at being awake
Sleep only arriving after giving up

Attention on something boring and continuous is the oldest trick there is. That is all a sleep story is doing.

Doing this on a plane

Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on
Bring a layer — being cold works against settling
Skip alcohol; it makes the alertness worse

Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

0:00You don't have to empty your mind. Nobody has ever managed that, including the people who wrote the instructions.
0:16Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
0:29Let your attention rest on the out-breath. The in-breath can take care of itself.
0:43You can let your eyes close now if they weren't already.
0:55Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
1:08Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
1:22Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
1:33Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
1:43Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
1:56Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
2:10Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
2:23Imagine the slow drift toward sleep as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
2:41Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
2:58Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
3:09There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
3:27You have been carrying the slow drift toward sleep for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
3:47Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
4:00If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
4:13Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
4:27I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
4:39Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
4:50With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
5:05Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
5:16If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
5:29If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
5:44I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
5:56If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
6:09We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
6:23Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
6:34Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
6:48Let the pause stretch out.
6:57Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
7:08Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
7:18No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
7:29If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
7:42Let the quiet do its work.
7:52Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
8:06Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
8:18Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
8:29Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
8:41Let it be this simple.
8:50Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
9:02Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
9:14A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
9:25If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
9:38Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
9:52Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
10:02If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
10:16Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
10:28Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
10:39Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
10:51Stay with it.
10:59Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
11:11Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
11:21Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
11:34Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
11:48Just the breath, still.
11:57Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
12:09I'll step back. You stay here.
12:19Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
12:30Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
12:41No rush to move on.
12:50Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
13:03Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
13:17Keep following the air.
13:26Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
13:40Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
13:53Let this one be unhurried.
14:02Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
14:12Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
14:25Stay here a little longer.
14:34Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
14:45Picture the thoughts that keep the light on as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
15:04Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
15:15If you catch yourself fighting the surrender at the end of the day, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
15:34Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
15:48Notice the space around the slow drift toward sleep. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
16:06Notice how the thoughts that keep the light on changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
16:24Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
16:37If the surrender at the end of the day is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
16:56Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the slow drift toward sleep is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
17:15Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
17:28If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
17:42If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
17:57If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
18:11A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
18:22Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
18:36A few seconds more.
18:45Let the last minute of quiet be the last minute of quiet.
18:58Take one breath that's a little fuller than the others, and let it out through your mouth.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Falling asleep is a passive process. The harder you aim at it, the further it moves, because the effort itself is arousal. Attention on something boring and continuous is the oldest trick there is. That is all a sleep story is doing.

Where and when should I do this one?

Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on. Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

What actually happens during the 20 minutes?

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.