Meditation for anger: 20-minute letting go session, between calls

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for anger. A letting go session you can do between calls. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anger

Anger is a fast, full-body response. Blood moves to the hands and jaw, heart rate climbs sharply, and reasoning comes back online several minutes later.

It tends to show up as:

• Heat in the chest and face
• The urge to speak before thinking
• A clenched jaw or fists

The physical peak passes in about ninety seconds if it is not fed. Slow breathing uses those seconds rather than spending them.

Doing this between meetings

• Start it in the gap, not after the next one begins
• Write down the open thread from the last meeting first, then let it go
• Two minutes done beats five minutes planned

The back-to-back day is exactly why the gap has to be protected rather than used for one more task.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your forehead smooth out. Most of us hold a small frown there all day.
2. 0:14Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
3. 0:30Bring your attention to the parts of you that are already still.
4. 0:43If your mind is loud, that's information, not failure.
5. 0:54Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
6. 1:05Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
7. 1:19Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
8. 1:32Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
9. 1:43Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
10. 1:57Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
11. 2:09Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
12. 2:23Notice how the urge to snap changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
13. 2:39Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
14. 2:56Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
15. 3:08If the heat rising in your chest has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
16. 3:26the urge to snap may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
17. 3:43Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
18. 3:57Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
19. 4:09We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
20. 4:24I'll step back. You stay here.
21. 4:34You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
22. 4:46Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
23. 5:01A short silence. Let it be empty.
24. 5:11Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
25. 5:24With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
26. 5:39Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
27. 5:51If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
28. 6:05Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
29. 6:21Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
30. 6:32If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
31. 6:45Let the quiet do its work.
32. 6:55If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
33. 7:09Feel the tops of your thighs.
34. 7:19I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
35. 7:31If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
36. 7:45No need to open your eyes yet.
37. 7:55Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
38. 8:11Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
39. 8:23Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
40. 8:34If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
41. 8:47Just the breath, still.
42. 8:56Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
43. 9:09Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
44. 9:22Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
45. 9:33Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
46. 9:45A few seconds more.
47. 9:54Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
48. 10:08A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
49. 10:19Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
50. 10:30Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
51. 10:43Let the pause stretch out.
52. 10:52If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
53. 11:06No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
54. 11:17Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
55. 11:29Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
56. 11:44Nothing changes for a moment.
57. 11:53Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
58. 12:07Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
59. 12:19Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
60. 12:33Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
61. 12:47Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
62. 12:57Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
63. 13:07Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
64. 13:22Take the next breath slowly.
65. 13:31Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
66. 13:43Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
67. 13:56Let your body keep settling.
68. 14:05Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
69. 14:17Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
70. 14:31Let it be this simple.
71. 14:40Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
72. 14:52Notice where the white-hot moment before you speak lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
73. 15:11Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
74. 15:23Imagine softening the edges of the heat rising in your chest. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
75. 15:41Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
76. 15:52Picture the urge to snap as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
77. 16:10Think of the white-hot moment before you speak as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
78. 16:28Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
79. 16:42You have been carrying the heat rising in your chest for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
80. 17:03If you catch yourself fighting the urge to snap, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
81. 17:20Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
82. 17:31Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
83. 17:43If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
84. 17:56Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
85. 18:07Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
86. 18:17You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
87. 18:32Stay with it.
88. 18:40Let the quiet end on its own rather than cutting it off.
89. 18:53Notice the room again: the sounds, the temperature, the light.
90. 19:05Stay here a little longer.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.