Letting go meditation for loneliness (10 min), when you are overwhelmed

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for loneliness. A letting go session you can do when you are overwhelmed. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: loneliness

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection.

It tends to show up as:

The quiet of the house feeling loud
Feeling unseen even in company
Assuming you are an inconvenience

A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Doing this when you are overwhelmed

Do not decide priorities during it
Pick the shortest session available here
When you finish, write down the first physical action on paper

The pile looks less like a pile once the alarm stops ringing. Sort it after, not during.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

0:00Let your next exhale be a sigh, if a sigh is what's waiting there.
0:14You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
0:29Let the last hour go on its own. You can pick it up again afterwards.
0:43Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
0:59Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
1:13Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
1:26Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
1:37Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
1:47Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
2:01Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
2:15If the ache of isolation shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
2:35If you catch yourself fighting the hollow feeling when the house is quiet, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
2:54Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
3:06Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
3:22A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
3:33Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
3:45Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
4:00Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
4:12If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
4:26We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
4:41I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
4:53Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
5:03Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
5:16Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
5:31No rush to move on.
5:40Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
5:51Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
6:06Remain here for a few more breaths.
6:16Feel the tops of your thighs.
6:26Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
6:39Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
6:50Let the sense of being unseen be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
7:10Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the ache of isolation is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
7:29Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
7:42Notice where the hollow feeling when the house is quiet lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
8:01Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
8:13Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
8:25I'll step back. You stay here.
8:35Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
8:51Let your body keep settling.
9:00Notice if anything has loosened. Even slightly counts.
9:11Let your shoulders come back up to their usual place, if they want to.
9:25Stay with it.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection. A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Where and when should I do this one?

Do not decide priorities during it. The pile looks less like a pile once the alarm stops ringing. Sort it after, not during.

What actually happens during the 10 minutes?

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.