Being present: 12-minute letting go meditation, before a difficult talk

About this practice

For the times before a difficult talk when being present takes up more room than you would like — 12 minutes, letting go. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: being present

Life happens in the present while attention is busy elsewhere. Nothing is missing except the noticing.

It tends to show up as:

• Days blurring together
• Feeling absent from your own week
• Only registering moments in photographs

Sensory attention is the shortest route back. Sound, contact and breath are always in the present.

Doing this before a hard conversation

• Do it before, not during, and again after if it went badly
• Decide your one non-negotiable sentence beforehand
• Plan to let the other person speak first

Being settled makes it easier to listen rather than to defend. That is usually what the conversation needs.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Feel your ribs move. That is all the machinery you need to pay attention to right now.
2. 0:15Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
3. 0:31Let your breathing find its own pace. We're only going to watch it.
4. 0:44There's a difference between relaxing and stopping. We're aiming for the second one, gently.
5. 0:58Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
6. 1:10Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
7. 1:23Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
8. 1:34Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
9. 1:47Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
10. 2:00Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
11. 2:13Notice how the texture of this exact moment changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
12. 2:30Think of the wandering back to now as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
13. 2:48Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
14. 3:01If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
15. 3:12We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
16. 3:27Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
17. 3:39Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
18. 3:52You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
19. 4:07A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
20. 4:18Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
21. 4:30Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
22. 4:46Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
23. 4:58If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
24. 5:13Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
25. 5:28Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
26. 5:40Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
27. 5:51Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
28. 6:02Stay with it.
29. 6:10Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
30. 6:22Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
31. 6:36No rush to move on.
32. 6:45Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
33. 6:57Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
34. 7:10Remain here for a few more breaths.
35. 7:20Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
36. 7:30Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
37. 7:43Take the next breath slowly.
38. 7:52Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
39. 8:04Notice where the life happening while you worry lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
40. 8:23A short silence. Let it be empty.
41. 8:33Let the texture of this exact moment be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
42. 8:53Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
43. 9:06When the wandering back to now presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
44. 9:25When the life happening while you worry arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
45. 9:44Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
46. 9:56If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
47. 10:09If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
48. 10:22Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
49. 10:33With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
50. 10:48Let your body keep settling.
51. 10:57Take a moment to notice you did this for yourself. That's not nothing.
52. 11:10Come back at your own speed. The room will wait.
53. 11:22No need to open your eyes yet.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.