20-minute noting meditation for loneliness, on a plane

About this practice

For the times on a plane when loneliness takes up more room than you would like — 20 minutes, noting. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: loneliness

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection.

It tends to show up as:

• The quiet of the house feeling loud
• Feeling unseen even in company
• Assuming you are an inconvenience

A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Doing this on a plane

• Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on
• Bring a layer — being cold works against settling
• Skip alcohol; it makes the alertness worse

Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

How noting works

Noting is a technique from insight practice: when something arises, you give it a single plain label — thinking, hearing, planning — and return to the anchor. The label creates a small distance between you and the content.

• Use one word, not a sentence — explaining means you have joined in
• Label and return; do not follow the thought to see where it goes
• Drop the labelling if it becomes effortful and just follow the breath

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Then find the nearest sound. It's probably your own breathing.
2. 0:12Small efforts are the whole method.
3. 0:22If some part of you is resisting this, that resistance is worth noticing too.
4. 0:36Let your attention drop to the level of your shoulders and stay there a moment.
5. 0:50Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
6. 1:03Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
7. 1:14Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
8. 1:26Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
9. 1:38Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
10. 1:49Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
11. 2:00Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
12. 2:12Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the ache of isolation is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
13. 2:31You have been carrying the hollow feeling when the house is quiet for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
14. 2:53Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
15. 3:07There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
16. 3:25Give the ache of isolation a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
17. 3:42Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
18. 3:56Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
19. 4:08We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
20. 4:22Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
21. 4:33If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
22. 4:48We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
23. 4:58Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
24. 5:10Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
25. 5:21If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
26. 5:34A short silence. Let it be empty.
27. 5:44Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
28. 5:55Let this be easy, if easy is available.
29. 6:06Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
30. 6:18If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
31. 6:33There's no need to try harder than this.
32. 6:44I'll step back. You stay here.
33. 6:54If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
34. 7:05Nothing here needs to be efficient.
35. 7:15Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
36. 7:26Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
37. 7:39Let your body keep settling.
38. 7:48Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
39. 8:02Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
40. 8:13Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
41. 8:23Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
42. 8:37Keep following the air.
43. 8:46Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
44. 8:59Feel the tops of your thighs.
45. 9:09No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
46. 9:20If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
47. 9:34Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
48. 9:47Stay here a little longer.
49. 9:56If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
50. 10:09I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
51. 10:22Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
52. 10:34Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
53. 10:46Remain here for a few more breaths.
54. 10:56Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
55. 11:08A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
56. 11:19Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
57. 11:31Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
58. 11:43Stay with it.
59. 11:51Feel your calves, front and back.
60. 12:01Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
61. 12:15Nothing changes for a moment.
62. 12:24Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
63. 12:38Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
64. 12:52No need to open your eyes yet.
65. 13:02Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
66. 13:13Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
67. 13:24Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
68. 13:34Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
69. 13:44Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
70. 13:58No rush to move on.
71. 14:07Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
72. 14:21Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
73. 14:35Let this one be unhurried.
74. 14:44Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
75. 14:57Let the hollow feeling when the house is quiet be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
76. 15:18A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
77. 15:29When the sense of being unseen arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
78. 15:48Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
79. 16:01the ache of isolation may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
80. 16:18Picture the hollow feeling when the house is quiet as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
81. 16:38Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
82. 16:50Whatever the sense of being unseen is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
83. 17:05If the ache of isolation has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
84. 17:22Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
85. 17:35If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
86. 17:48Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
87. 18:01Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
88. 18:14Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
89. 18:26You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
90. 18:39A few seconds more.
91. 18:48Start to notice the edges of your body again, and the surface you're on.
92. 19:02When you're ready, look around properly.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.