12-minute letting go meditation for loneliness, on a plane

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 12 minutes of letting go for loneliness, on a plane. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: loneliness

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection.

It tends to show up as:

• The quiet of the house feeling loud
• Feeling unseen even in company
• Assuming you are an inconvenience

A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Doing this on a plane

• Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on
• Bring a layer — being cold works against settling
• Skip alcohol; it makes the alertness worse

Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Take a moment to notice the room behind you, without turning around.
2. 0:13With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
3. 0:28Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
4. 0:41Now let your attention move from the room into your body, slowly, the way you'd move through a doorway you know well.
5. 0:59Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
6. 1:12Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
7. 1:27Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
8. 1:39Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
9. 1:50Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
10. 2:02Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
11. 2:15Nothing about the sense of being unseen has to be explained or justified in this room.
12. 2:30You are allowed to be unimpressed by the ache of isolation. Indifference is a legitimate response.
13. 2:45Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
14. 2:59Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
15. 3:12Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
16. 3:28No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
17. 3:39Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
18. 3:53Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
19. 4:08Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
20. 4:19If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
21. 4:34We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
22. 4:49I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
23. 5:01If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
24. 5:15You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
25. 5:30Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
26. 5:40If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
27. 5:53Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
28. 6:05No rush to move on.
29. 6:14Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
30. 6:26Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
31. 6:40Stay here a little longer.
32. 6:49Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
33. 7:00Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
34. 7:12A few seconds more.
35. 7:21Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
36. 7:33Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
37. 7:46Let the quiet do its work.
38. 7:56Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
39. 8:08When the hollow feeling when the house is quiet arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
40. 8:28Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
41. 8:40the sense of being unseen may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
42. 8:58If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
43. 9:12Picture the ache of isolation as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
44. 9:30You do not have to solve the hollow feeling when the house is quiet in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
45. 9:51Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
46. 10:04Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
47. 10:16If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
48. 10:29Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
49. 10:41Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
50. 10:57Nothing changes for a moment.
51. 11:06When you're ready, look around properly.
52. 11:16Notice your feet on the floor. That's where you start from.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.