10-minute guided softening practice for the inner critic — on the way in

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 10 minutes of softening for the inner critic, on the way in. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this on your commute

• Headphones on, eyes open or closed depending on your comfort
• Keep one part of your attention on your stop
• Do it standing if sitting is not possible — nobody is watching

Commuting time is already dead time. Nothing is being given up.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Drop your attention from your head into your chest for a second.
2. 0:13If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
3. 0:28Let your body feel heavier than it did a minute ago. Let the chair or the floor take it.
4. 0:44We're going to move through the body in order, roughly from top to bottom.
5. 0:58Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
6. 1:11Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
7. 1:25Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
8. 1:37Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
9. 1:49Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
10. 2:01Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
11. 2:13Each time your mind hands you the judge in your head, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
12. 2:32This is not the last time the running commentary on your flaws will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
13. 2:51If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
14. 3:06Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
15. 3:19Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
16. 3:30If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
17. 3:44We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
18. 3:58Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
19. 4:09If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
20. 4:22With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
21. 4:37I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
22. 4:50Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
23. 5:03No rush to move on.
24. 5:12Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
25. 5:24Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
26. 5:38Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
27. 5:48Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
28. 5:59If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
29. 6:13Let the quiet do its work.
30. 6:23Notice your breathing, without changing it.
31. 6:33Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
32. 6:44I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
33. 6:56If the voice that grades everything starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
34. 7:13Let the judge in your head be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
35. 7:33Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
36. 7:46When the running commentary on your flaws presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
37. 8:06Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
38. 8:20Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
39. 8:31A short silence. Let it be empty.
40. 8:41Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
41. 8:55Let the pause stretch out.
42. 9:04Let your breathing go back to whatever it does when nobody is watching.
43. 9:17Take a moment to notice you did this for yourself. That's not nothing.
44. 9:30A few seconds more.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.