10-minute guided softening practice for grief — during a break

About this practice

10 minutes to meet grief with less of a fight. A softening practice, during a break. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: grief

Grief is not a mood that lifts on a schedule. It arrives in waves, often triggered by nothing, and it changes shape over months rather than days.

It tends to show up as:

• Waves arriving without warning
• Exhaustion that rest does not touch
• Difficulty concentrating on ordinary things

This is not a practice for fixing grief. It is a place to sit while it moves through, so you are not alone with it in the middle of the day.

Doing this on a break

• Leave the room if you can
• Do not start anything else in the same gap
• Set a timer so the break has an end

A break spent half-engaged with a screen is not much of a break. Guard the whole five minutes.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Rest your hands somewhere they don't have to do anything.
2. 0:12With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
3. 0:27Notice the pause at the end of each breath. It's short, but it's there.
4. 0:41Let the rhythm of your breathing set the pace, not the words.
5. 0:54Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
6. 1:09Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
7. 1:21Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
8. 1:34Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
9. 1:45Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
10. 1:57Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
11. 2:09There is no correct amount of the heaviness where someone used to be to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
12. 2:28Whatever the wave that arrives without warning is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
13. 2:44If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
14. 2:55If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
15. 3:10Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
16. 3:22If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
17. 3:36We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
18. 3:50Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
19. 4:02Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
20. 4:16Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
21. 4:30A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
22. 4:41Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
23. 4:55No need to open your eyes yet.
24. 5:05Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
25. 5:17Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
26. 5:30A few seconds more.
27. 5:39Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
28. 5:52Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
29. 6:05Take the next breath slowly.
30. 6:14Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
31. 6:28Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
32. 6:44I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
33. 6:57Give the ache that has no schedule a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
34. 7:15Let the heaviness where someone used to be be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
35. 7:36Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
36. 7:51Notice the space around the wave that arrives without warning. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
37. 8:10Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
38. 8:22If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
39. 8:35Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
40. 8:46Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
41. 8:59Just the breath, still.
42. 9:08Let your jaw, shoulders and hands be loose as you finish.
43. 9:20If you drifted off, that was rest, and rest counts.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.