10-minute guided self-compassion practice for public speaking fear — in the queue

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for public speaking fear. A self-compassion session you can do in the queue. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: public speaking fear

Speaking to a group triggers the same response as physical threat: shallow breathing, a dry mouth, and a voice that rises and speeds up.

It tends to show up as:

• Voice wobbling on the first sentence
• Speaking too fast to get it over with
• Shallow breathing high in the chest

Lengthening the exhale slows speech and steadies the voice. Physically, this is a breath practice before it is a confidence practice.

Doing this in a waiting room

• You can do this with your eyes open and your hands where they are
• Nothing here needs to look like a meditation
• Aim for steadiness rather than calm

Waiting feeds the dread it is meant to relieve. Having something specific to do with the time is the useful part.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your shoulders drop about a centimetre. That is roughly where most of us keep the day.
2. 0:15The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
3. 0:30Let your body feel heavier than it did a minute ago. Let the chair or the floor take it.
4. 0:46Feel the small movements your body makes to keep you upright. They're happening without you.
5. 1:00Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
6. 1:13If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
7. 1:27Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
8. 1:38Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
9. 1:50Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
10. 2:02Feel the tops of your thighs.
11. 2:12Whatever the wobble in your voice is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
12. 2:27If the room full of faces is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
13. 2:44Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
14. 2:55Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
15. 3:10Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
16. 3:21Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
17. 3:32Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
18. 3:48A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
19. 3:59If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
20. 4:12You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
21. 4:25Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
22. 4:36If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
23. 4:49Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
24. 5:03No need to open your eyes yet.
25. 5:13Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
26. 5:25Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
27. 5:38Let the quiet do its work.
28. 5:48Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
29. 6:00Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
30. 6:13Keep following the air.
31. 6:22Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
32. 6:34Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
33. 6:45Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
34. 6:57the urge to rush off the stage may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
35. 7:16Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
36. 7:33Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
37. 7:46Feel the weight of the room full of faces somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
38. 8:03If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
39. 8:16Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
40. 8:29Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
41. 8:39Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
42. 8:55Let this one be unhurried.
43. 9:04Notice if anything has loosened. Even slightly counts.
44. 9:15Come back to the room through your senses, one at a time.
45. 9:28Just the breath, still.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.