Guide · self-compassion · 3 min read
When the inner voice will not let something go — the two-minute version, if you are new to this
Self-criticism usually repeats because it is trying to prevent something. Arguing with it does not work. Understanding it sometimes does.
Start here
Every point here is written so that a bad week is still enough to manage it.
Nothing here assumes you have done this before.
If you only do one thing from this page, do the first point below. It is first because it removes the most friction for the least effort.
What helps
Separate the behaviour from the person. "I did that badly" is workable. "I am bad at this" is not.
Notice how the criticism feels in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Feeling it somewhere specific makes it smaller than a global verdict about you.
Ask whether you would say it to someone you like. If not, that is information, not an instruction to be nicer.
What to do when it does not work
Set a time limit on the replaying. Fifteen minutes, then do something physical. Rumination does not resolve anything; it just repeats.
Ask what it is trying to prevent. Criticism is often a clumsy form of protection, not a verdict.
Write down what the voice is actually saying, in full. It is usually vaguer and less reasonable on paper than in your head.
Questions people ask
Is this just positive thinking?
No. It is not about replacing the thought with a nicer one. It is about noticing that the thought is one opinion among several.
Written for people who want the practical version. No accounts, no tracking, no newsletter wall.
If this is not the angle you need, try Do you actually need eight glasses of water — a gentle, practical guide, when you are somewhere unfamiliar, A wind-down that starts before you are tired — a calm, practical approach, after eating too much or Preparing for a conversation you are dreading — a gentle, practical guide, when the house is busy.