Sleep story · warm, winter
A fire dying down, when your attention is scattered — for the hours after a late shift
The last hour of a fire, when it stops being a fire and becomes warmth.
Reading it yourself. Back to the audio version.
There is a blanket over your legs that you did not consciously arrange. Somewhere in the house, a door closes and everything goes quiet again. The ash in the grate is deep and soft and grey at the edges.
The fire will be out in half an hour and nobody needs to watch it happen. The fire has stopped being flames and is now mostly red shapes that shift and settle. Every few minutes a piece of wood falls in on itself with a small collapse of sparks.
Let your breathing get slower without deciding to slow it. Notice your hips, wide and settled.
Let the back of your neck lengthen out. Let your upper arms fall wherever gravity puts them.
The heat reaches about a metre from the fire and stops. The window is black, and the glass is cold if you touch it.
Feel your heartbeat somewhere far away. Let your feet get heavy first. Heavier than they need to be.
Let everything you were holding today stay on the floor beside the bed. Your eyelids can be too heavy to open, and that is fine.
The room has gone darker than you noticed, and the light is all low and orange. The logs beside the fireplace are down to the last two.
Your chest can be still now. Let your forearms get heavy and warm.
The dog is asleep on the rug, on the side nearest the heat. There is a smell of woodsmoke in the room that will still be there tomorrow.
Feel the top of your head relax into the pillow. Feel your belly rise and fall without any help from you.
Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts. Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
Let the mattress take all of it. Notice the places where your body touches the bed, and let them be heavy.
You do not have to count them. Let it all get further away.
Sleep. Let the next part go past without you. Let the sound of this go soft at the edges.
Let them. Let the quiet be boring. Nothing needs deciding tonight.
Scattered attention is the raw material, not an obstacle.
There is nothing more to follow. Let the rest happen on its own.