Sleep story · winter, still
A field under snow (a sleep story), when you feel restless rather than tired — for a restless night
Everything muffled, everything white, and no tracks but yours.
Reading it yourself. Back to the audio version.
There is a gate at the far end of the field, half buried and not going anywhere. Your hands are warm inside your gloves and cold at the wrists. The air is so cold it feels dry, and your breath is visible for a long time.
There are no footprints anywhere except the ones behind you. A single crow crosses the field and lands on the fence, then thinks better of it. The snow came down all afternoon and has now stopped, leaving the field completely unmarked.
Let your toes stop holding on to anything. Let your thighs be as heavy as they want to be.
Let your calves spread out and flatten. Your eyelids can be too heavy to open, and that is fine.
The light is flat and grey and does not cast shadows. The snow on the branches is holding, and every so often a small amount slides off.
Let your lower back sink down into the mattress. Now feel your whole body at once, lying here, being held up.
Notice your hips, wide and settled. Let your forehead go cool and smooth.
Nothing in this field needs to be done today or tomorrow. The sound of your own boots is the loudest thing for half a mile.
Feel your heartbeat somewhere far away. Your fingers can stop doing anything at all.
The fence posts are capped with snow and look shorter than they are. The farmhouse at the top of the hill has one window lit.
Feel your cheeks let go. Let the space between your eyebrows smooth out.
If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you. If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
Let your feet get heavy first. Heavier than they need to be. Notice how much of you has already stopped moving.
Let the sound of this go soft at the edges. Just the weight.
Nothing here needs following closely. Almost nothing to do now. Leave it there.
Just the dark. Let the next part go past without you. Let it all get further away.
Restless is different from tired, and it needs a different approach.
The room is dark, the day is finished, and nothing is required of you.