Softening for contentment: 5 minutes, at bedtime

About this practice

5 minutes to meet contentment with less of a fight. A softening practice, at bedtime. A guided session of about 5 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: contentment

Contentment is the absence of the next want, not the presence of everything. It lasts only as long as the wanting pauses.

It tends to show up as:

• Arriving without enjoying the arrival
• Immediately wanting the next thing
• Rest feeling unearned

Not wanting more for a few minutes is a trainable state, and it is available without acquiring anything.

Doing this before bed

• Do it in bed or somewhere you can move straight to bed after
• Lower the light, and do not check anything afterwards
• If you fall asleep before the end, it worked

Falling asleep mid-session is a success, not a failure to complete it.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00You don't have to empty your mind. Nobody has ever managed that, including the people who wrote the instructions.
2. 0:16Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
3. 0:29Let your sense of the room shrink down to just your body and the surface you're on.
4. 0:44Everything that happens in the next few minutes is allowed to happen.
5. 0:57Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
6. 1:10Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
7. 1:23Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
8. 1:37Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
9. 1:49Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
10. 1:59Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
11. 2:09We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
12. 2:23Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
13. 2:35Feel the weight of the calm of not wanting more this minute somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
14. 2:53Give the settled feeling after striving a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
15. 3:11Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
16. 3:24Each time your mind hands you the enough-ness of right now, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
17. 3:43If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
18. 3:56Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
19. 4:07If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
20. 4:22Let the last of the stillness stay with you for a few more seconds.
21. 4:36Let your body keep settling.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.