Meditation for insomnia: 7-minute softening session, after an argument

About this practice

When insomnia shows up after an argument, this 7-minute softening session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: insomnia

Insomnia is often maintained by the fear of not sleeping. Anticipating a bad night raises arousal at bedtime, which produces the bad night.

It tends to show up as:

• Dreading bedtime
• Hours awake with a busy mind
• Sleeping worse as the week goes on

Removing the pressure to sleep is the active ingredient. This gives you something to do that is not trying.

Doing this after an argument

• Do it before you re-engage or send anything
• Let the physical arousal drop first — it takes minutes, not hours
• Write down nothing you intend to send during it

Whatever you would write in the first ten minutes is rarely what you would say after thirty.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Take one breath that is slightly slower than the last one. That is enough to start.
2. 0:15If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
3. 0:30If your mind is loud, that's information, not failure.
4. 0:41We'll be quiet for a bit longer than usual. Stay with whatever shows up.
5. 0:55Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
6. 1:09Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
7. 1:20Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
8. 1:34Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
9. 1:45Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
10. 1:56Nothing about the wide-awake mind at 2am has to be explained or justified in this room.
11. 2:11If the counting of hours until morning is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
12. 2:29Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
13. 2:41Let your body keep settling.
14. 2:50Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
15. 3:03Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
16. 3:15Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
17. 3:28A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
18. 3:39We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
19. 3:53Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
20. 4:04Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
21. 4:16I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
22. 4:28When the frustration of not sleeping arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
23. 4:47Notice how the wide-awake mind at 2am changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
24. 5:04Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
25. 5:19If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
26. 5:31Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
27. 5:43Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
28. 5:55With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
29. 6:10If you're going straight back to work, take ten seconds at the doorway first.
30. 6:24Notice your feet on the floor. That's where you start from.
31. 6:36Let the quiet do its work.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.