Heartbreak: 7-minute letting go meditation, at 3pm

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for heartbreak. A letting go session you can do at 3pm. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: heartbreak

A breakup activates the same attachment system as physical separation. That is why it hurts in the chest and why the missing comes in surges.

It tends to show up as:

• Physical ache in the chest or throat
• Checking for messages you do not want
• Extreme tiredness in the first weeks

The surges pass. Having something steady to return to between them makes the first weeks less brutal.

Doing this in the mid-afternoon

• Sit upright and open a window if you can
• Expect heaviness rather than fighting it
• A short session here beats a longer one that never happens

The dip is a normal circadian low. You are riding it out, not correcting a fault.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your next exhale be a sigh, if a sigh is what's waiting there.
2. 0:14We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
3. 0:29Notice the weight of your arms without moving them.
4. 0:40Imagine your thoughts as traffic on a road you're standing beside. You don't have to flag any of it down.
5. 0:57Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
6. 1:10Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
7. 1:24Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
8. 1:37Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
9. 1:51Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
10. 2:02This is not the last time the bruise where a relationship used to be will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
11. 2:22Imagine softening the edges of the missing of someone. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
12. 2:39Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
13. 2:50Remain here for a few more breaths.
14. 3:00Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
15. 3:14Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
16. 3:27Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
17. 3:38Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
18. 3:54If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
19. 4:08Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
20. 4:22A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
21. 4:33Let the exhale carry a little of the raw first weeks of a breakup with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
22. 4:53You are allowed to be unimpressed by the bruise where a relationship used to be. Indifference is a legitimate response.
23. 5:10Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
24. 5:23If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
25. 5:37Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
26. 5:49I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
27. 6:01With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
28. 6:16Let your breathing be completely ordinary again.
29. 6:26Roll your neck once, slowly, in whichever direction feels good.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.