Breathing for heartbreak: 5 minutes, before a

About this practice

When heartbreak shows up before a presentation, this 5-minute breathing session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 5 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: heartbreak

A breakup activates the same attachment system as physical separation. That is why it hurts in the chest and why the missing comes in surges.

It tends to show up as:

Physical ache in the chest or throat
Checking for messages you do not want
Extreme tiredness in the first weeks

The surges pass. Having something steady to return to between them makes the first weeks less brutal.

Doing this before public speaking

Do it somewhere private, or in the washroom if needed
Slow the exhale deliberately and check your speaking pace after
Warm the voice by reading a line aloud, not by staying silent

Rushing is the tell of nerves. A slower breath now is what sets a slower pace in the room.

How breathing works

A breathing practice uses the breath as the object of attention and as the control lever. Because exhaling slows the heart through the vagus nerve, it acts on the nervous system directly rather than through thinking.

Keep the exhale longer than the inhale — that is the active ingredient
Count the exhales and start again whenever you lose count
Do not force depth; let the breath find its own level

What happens, minute by minute

0:00If you're lying down, let the mattress hold all of you. You can stop holding yourself up.
0:15Follow the air from the nostrils down to the belly, then back out. One full trip at a time.
0:31Everything that happens in the next few minutes is allowed to happen.
0:44Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
0:57Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
1:10Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
1:26Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
1:38Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
1:50Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
2:00No need to open your eyes yet.
2:10If the breath feels tight, do not deepen it. Just watch it, and let it find its own depth.
2:26If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
2:41If the bruise where a relationship used to be is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
3:00If the missing of someone starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
3:16Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
3:29If the raw first weeks of a breakup has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
3:48If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
4:02Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
4:14There is no target number here. Only the next breath, and then the one after it.
4:29Start to notice the edges of your body again, and the surface you're on.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

A breakup activates the same attachment system as physical separation. That is why it hurts in the chest and why the missing comes in surges. The surges pass. Having something steady to return to between them makes the first weeks less brutal.

Where and when should I do this one?

Do it somewhere private, or in the washroom if needed. Rushing is the tell of nerves. A slower breath now is what sets a slower pace in the room.

What actually happens during the 5 minutes?

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.