20-minute guided softening practice for anger — in the afternoon slump

About this practice

20 minutes to meet anger with less of a fight. A softening practice, in the afternoon slump. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anger

Anger is a fast, full-body response. Blood moves to the hands and jaw, heart rate climbs sharply, and reasoning comes back online several minutes later.

It tends to show up as:

• Heat in the chest and face
• The urge to speak before thinking
• A clenched jaw or fists

The physical peak passes in about ninety seconds if it is not fed. Slow breathing uses those seconds rather than spending them.

Doing this in the mid-afternoon

• Sit upright and open a window if you can
• Expect heaviness rather than fighting it
• A short session here beats a longer one that never happens

The dip is a normal circadian low. You are riding it out, not correcting a fault.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Drop your attention from your head into your chest for a second.
2. 0:13Small efforts are the whole method.
3. 0:23This is not a performance. Nobody is listening to how well you're doing it.
4. 0:37Notice your own pulse somewhere. Wrist, throat, wherever you can find it.
5. 0:50Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
6. 1:04Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
7. 1:17Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
8. 1:28Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
9. 1:40Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
10. 1:51Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
11. 2:03Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
12. 2:13Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the white-hot moment before you speak is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
13. 2:32You have been carrying the heat rising in your chest for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
14. 2:53Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
15. 3:07If you catch yourself fighting the urge to snap, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
16. 3:24There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
17. 3:42Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
18. 3:55Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
19. 4:07Let this be easy, if easy is available.
20. 4:18Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
21. 4:30Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
22. 4:41If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
23. 4:54Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
24. 5:06If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
25. 5:20You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
26. 5:33A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
27. 5:44If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
28. 5:59There's no need to try harder than this.
29. 6:10I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
30. 6:22If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
31. 6:36We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
32. 6:50A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
33. 7:01Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
34. 7:14Nothing here needs to be efficient.
35. 7:24I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
36. 7:36If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
37. 7:50Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
38. 8:00Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
39. 8:16Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
40. 8:28Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
41. 8:38If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
42. 8:51Let it be this simple.
43. 9:00Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
44. 9:14Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
45. 9:27Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
46. 9:39Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
47. 9:52Stay here a little longer.
48. 10:01Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
49. 10:13Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
50. 10:24Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
51. 10:37Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
52. 10:50Let the quiet do its work.
53. 11:00If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
54. 11:13A short silence. Let it be empty.
55. 11:23Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
56. 11:34Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
57. 11:45Just the breath, still.
58. 11:54Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
59. 12:06Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
60. 12:19Let your body keep settling.
61. 12:28Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
62. 12:41Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
63. 12:54No need to open your eyes yet.
64. 13:04Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
65. 13:14Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
66. 13:28Let this one be unhurried.
67. 13:37Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
68. 13:49Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
69. 14:00Nothing changes for a moment.
70. 14:09Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
71. 14:21Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
72. 14:34Stay with it.
73. 14:42Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
74. 14:56Picture the heat rising in your chest as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
75. 15:15I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
76. 15:28Imagine softening the edges of the urge to snap. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
77. 15:45Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
78. 15:59Let the white-hot moment before you speak be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
79. 16:19Whatever the heat rising in your chest is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
80. 16:35Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
81. 16:51Each time your mind hands you the urge to snap, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
82. 17:10Nothing about the white-hot moment before you speak has to be explained or justified in this room.
83. 17:25Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
84. 17:40Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
85. 17:51Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
86. 18:04You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
87. 18:16A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
88. 18:27We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
89. 18:37Keep following the air.
90. 18:46Take one breath that's a little fuller than the others, and let it out through your mouth.
91. 19:01Notice the room again: the sounds, the temperature, the light.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.